body positivity, fitness journey, Life Lessons, Uncategorized

I am a FAT GIRL: A Poem

Fatso, giant, big boned, big fat arse

They smiled knowing it was just a farce.

She was not human, was she?

She was just a punchline of a joke.

When I picked a pizza, you saw me and scowled

How dare she eat that, you judged and frowned.

I remember the day i went to the cloth shop

A mother pointed at me, warning her daughter

You don’t want to look like her, she said

They both looked at me, messing with my head.

Fatso, giant, big boned, big fat arse

They smiled knowing it was just a farce.

She was not human, was she?

She was just a punchline of a joke.

I pulled and pulled the biggest jeans over my fat thighs

Wishing I could cut off the flesh with the sharpest knife.

You came to me and said I was fat

You were a friend but what right you had?

You said he will love you for your personality.

Insinuating I wasn’t good enough for him.

I see you today and I want to ask you again.

Did you see me that day, did you feel my pain?

You said my sister was prettier than I

You said I was ugly forcing me to hide my sigh.

I walked on the street and you screamed at me

Oi fatty! You shouted in jest and ran off before I could see.

Fatso, giant, big boned, big fat arse

They smiled knowing it was just a farce.

She was not human, was she?

She was just a punchline of a joke.

You said I was bigger than my mum

Reducing me to just a size of my bum.

You asked me out on a date

It was a dare to make the fat girl wait.

At parties you wanted to laugh at me.

Watching me eat or dressing me up, wasn’t it fun to see?

I went to the gym and dropped the pounds.

You came running after me like hounds.

Suddenly what I said mattered to you.

My face, my brains, my heart were yours to woo.

Do I leave the fat girl behind?

Does she not deserve a chance and a love to find?

Was she not human enough or just a wad of fat.

For you to mock and shame and wander in your tall hat.

The fat girl in me is still within hearing range.

You may not see her, but I see your behaviour change.

I may be half of her but she is whole of me.

She remembers and so do we.

Life Lessons

13 Reasons Why : Why we should watch this show

A TV show that has been in the news for both negative and positive reasons, 13 Reasons Why is a must watch.

The show has been criticised for its almost artistic portrayal of suicide and mental illness and is peppered with warnings showing graphic images of sexual assault and the actual act of suicide.

But the message in the show is so very important that we need to really focus on that. It reaches into the dark corners of your heart and mind, into memories suppressed and forcefully forgotten. With time, many memories are whitewashed into nostalgia for high school and TV and films make high school seem almost romantic. 13 Reasons Why shatters that illusion and forces you to actually introspect about your own school life. What were you when you were a teen? What did you say or do? How did you react and interact with others?

Netflix's_13_Reasons_Why_title_screenOn the surface the show is about how bullying can affect people and how small acts magnify into major reactions. But what I get away from it is the fact that every word you say and every action of yours affects someone in someway.

We are guilty of it. All of us.

I remember once befriending a new girl in high school and during recess ignoring her and chatting with my mates. I shifted from my seat and saw her crying through the window, out in the park. I did not talk to her ever but that image of her, quietly sobbing still haunts me.

And I have been on the other end of the spectrum, hearing someone talk bad about me.

The show is a creative genius, showing both sides of different cliques and people and forces us to stop being judgemental. It is important because we need to learn not be judgemental. Many friendships are broken because we cannot stop and empathise, relationships deteriorate because we are quick to make a judgement and immediately believe anything that is negative.

The show may have garnered rave reviews and criticisms alike but should also been looked at through the mirror of human introspection and make us better human beings, kinder and gentler.